Chuck Norris is a PUNK Jokes

Chuck told his doctor that he swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.  His doctor told him to have a few drinks and get some rest. 

One time Chuck was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent his parents a note that said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see Chuck again."

Chuck and his wife were happy for 20 years.  Then they met.

Chuck is such a bad cook, at his house they pray "after" the meal.

Chuck's mother had morning sickness - "after" he was born.

Chuck's father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When Chuck played in the sandbox as a kid the cat kept covering him up.

Chuck could tell that his parents hated him. His bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

One year they wanted to make Chuck poster boy... for birth control.

I remember the time Chuck Norris was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of his finger to his father.  He said he wanted more proof.

Once when Chuck Norris was lost he saw a policeman and asked him to help him find his parents. He said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."



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Chuck uncle's dying wish was to have him sitting on his lap.  He was in the electric chair.

I remember Chuck was so depressed he was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to him into it.

Chuck had a lot of pimples too.  One day he fell asleep in a library.  He woke up and a blind man was reading his face.

Chuck's wife made him join a bridge club. He jumps off next Tuesday.

Last week Chuck's tie caught on fire.  Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!

Chuck met the surgeon general. He offered Chuck a cigarette.

One time Chuck went to a hotel.  He asked the bellhop to handle his bag.  He fondled his wife!

This morning when Chuck Norris put on his underwear he could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at him.

A girl phoned Chuck Norris and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." He went over.  Nobody was home!

Chuck's a bad lover.  Once he caught a peeping tom "booing" him.

Chuck's wife only has whoopee with him for a purpose.  To time an egg.

It's tough to stay married.  Chuck's wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from his glass!

Chuck's wife isn't very bright either. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it!  Chuck said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

Last night Chuck's wife met him at the front door.  She was wearing a sexy negligee.  The only trouble was, she was coming home.

Chuck's girlfriend is so ugly, once he took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

Chuck went to see his doctor. Yeah...he told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up.  What's wrong with me?  He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

Chuck told his dentist his teeth are going yellow.  He told Chuck to wear a brown necktie.

Chuck's psychiatrist told him he's going crazy.  He told him, "If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion."  He said, "All right. You're ugly and a punk, too!"

Chuck was so ugly, his mother used to feed him with a slingshot!

When Chuck was born the doctor took one look at his face, turned him over and said, "Look, twins!"

When Chuck was born, the doctor said to his dad, "I did all I could and he still pulled thru."

 Chuck Norris Commercial

Disclaimer:  OK, so I borrowed these from Rodney Dangerfield.
So what, they're still funny. Actually, I think Chuck Norris is cool.

Copyright 2010-2011 Nick Hetcher /

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